One and a Half Technicals

Let’s face it: Kobe’s days as a Laker are numbered. Alongside arguably the most dominant player in the history of the Association, Shaquille O’Neal, he guided the Los Angeles Lakers to three consecutive NBA championships, commonly referred to as the “3Peat”. Unfortunately for Bryant, Shaq left LaLa land (on bad terms), and the Lakers rewarded Kobe with another champio…. oh wait, that’s right – they didn’t. Instead of another run at NBA immortality, Kobe got what is now referred to as the “LeBron James treatment” – a team with one stud and a cluster of bench warmers and spot starters. After having reportedly vetoed a trade that would’ve sent him to the East to play alongside Chauncey Billups, former playoff MVP, and Rasheed Wallace, Mr. T, we can now only hope our bet with the bookies on Kobe’s over/under for days remaining in a Laker uniform comes to fruition. Without further ado, here are the top 5 “too good to be true” scenarios involving a possible Kobe trade;

5. Disco’s Dead: Bring On The Mamba
Dirk Nowitzki, a perennial 20 PPG scorer and the latest American foreigner who hoisted the MVP trophy in the last three years, welcomes a new teammate — namely Kobe Bryant. Your first instinct after reading that probably contains the words “no”, “Dirk” and “impossible”, but look at it a bit closer: Dallas’ second fiddle Josh Howard has warranted the highest praise possible by critics and fans alike due to his outstanding regular season numbers and his carry-over of those numbers into the post-season, something Dallas’ star failed to do after being crippled by an inferior Warrior team in the biggest upset in NBA history. Throw Devin Harris and Trenton Hassell in there to match salaries and how can Kobe not accept that trade? Jason Terry, Dirk Nowitzki and Kobe Bryant on the floor at one time? I smell Kobe’s second 3Peat on the rise.
 
Final Terms: Mavericks send Trenton Hassell, Devin Harris, Josh Howard & a Conditional 1st-Round Pick; Lakers send Kobe Bryant
Aftershock: The Mavs held onto their MLE capabilities this past off-season, watch that fly out the window after Harris and Howard leave. Webber, Boykins, a possible Marbury-buyout from the Knicks could all end up in Dallas after this goes down.

4. Kobe Takes Canada
Assuming Bryant is OK expanding himself to the Canadian public, this would be a match made in heaven. Toronto is the biggest market in the NBA due to their euro-based squad and anti-United States location. Kobe gets maximum exposure, maximum endorsements, and Toronto gets filthy rich from the likes of ESPN, TNT, ABC and various other sports stations. Andrea and TJ would be the the centerpieces of the trade for the Lakers and Kobe would get his shot at another ring alongside the likes of the rising superstar that is Chris Bosh. Step aside Boston, the champs have returned.

Final Terms: Raptors send TJ Ford, Andrea Bargnani, Jason Kapono, Jorge Garbajosa, 2 1st-Round Picks; Lakers Send Kobe Bryant & Brian Cook
Aftershock: The Lakers endure an elongated re-building process that would give them two excellent complimentary bigs in Bynum and Bargnani – The Raps become East Champion favorites.

3. The Fastest Offense of All-Time
Kobe in the Bay area? Kobe under Don Nelson? Hold on a second, my head is spinning too. Importing Kobe to G-State almost automatically ensures the re-signing of Baron Davis, as his incentive to remain with the team increases by at least – at least – 100%. Future stud Brandan Wright and last year’s surprise Monta Ellis get swung to Los Angeles along with some cap relief. How would Kobe cope in a full-court offense? Pretty damn good is my best bet. He’s incredibly athletic, and although we may seem to think the mileage on his legs is running on empty, he’s shown no ill effects thus far in the new season. Baron Davis and Kobe Bryant on the floor at the same time would be a pretty, pretty picture.

Final Terms: Warriors send Brandan Wright, Monta Ellis, Al Harrington, Stephen Jackson,  Marco Belinelli; Lakers send Kobe Bryant & Vladimir Radmanovic
Aftershock: The Warriors boast of a starting five of Baron, Kobe, Azubuike, Vlad and Biedrins and skyrocket themselves in a position to overtake the Suns for Pacific Division supremacy.

2. Sweet Lake City
Salty no more! As if the water was already tainted in Utah, it sure as hell won’t be if Kobe comes to town. Jerry Sloan would turn Kobe Bryant into possibly the single greatest defender we’ve ever seen from the wing. Match Kobe’s athleticism with his seemingly unmatched desire to play the game of basketball and you get one hell of a tough match-up if you’re trying to score on this guy. The biggest perk of all in this deal would see Kobe Bryant teaming up with Deron Williams. It’ll be Kobe’s first all-star point guard of his career and the consequences of that almost seem unfathomable. With Boozer in the mix that team possesses a 20/10 threat from down low, a 20/10 threat from the most important position in basketball and a 30/6/6 threat from the wing. Good lord think of the possibilities.
 
Final Terms: Jazz send Mehmet Okur, Andrei Kirilenko, Ronnie Brewer; Lakers send Kobe Bryant & Maurice Evans
Aftershock: Brewer’s the toughest piece to lose in this deal but Morris Almond can compensate. He gives up a little on the defensive side of the ball but gives Utah an offensive surplus.

1. Big Apple Meet Big Game
Trust me, I know how ridiculous this sounds. How many more egoistical slots must be filled for the blue and orange? Kobe Bryant coming to the Knicks just looks perfect doesn’t it? The mecca of basketball gets the one of the greatest players of not just his generation, but of all-time. Pair Marbury’s seemingly inevitable departure from NYC with a crapload of liquidable assets and you get a potential deal that would make the general public mutter “Barry who?”. The Knicks keep one of their twin towers and ship the other, giving Lee his opportunity to fully show his worth.
 
Final Terms: Knicks send Zach Randolph, Wilson Chandler, Renaldo Balkman, Nate Robinson; Lakers send Kobe Bryant & Javaris Crittenton
Aftershock: New York riots itself into an uncontrollable frenzy of disbelief – forever.

- Posted by Oh My Bosh of In Tha Game.